When relationships don’t go our way after so much effort and work we put into them, we often wonder why. I’ve had my why moments; with loving someone unconditionally, accepting their children, flaws, mistakes, and still loving them after being put through emotional hell, it was hard for me to accept that the good life route wasn’t chosen and yet cheating and bouncing from one woman to another was. I asked myself why; over and over again. I came fully furnished you see; I am the women that’s self made and a constant work in progress to be better, I have my own home, my own transportation, many wonderful friends, and a loving family. I know I am nowhere near perfect…but, I know what I bring to the table and it isn’t a bunch of scraps. Who wouldn’t want that, right?
I’m reminded constantly why I am getting divorced. It’s seems like when life starts to settle down, some new or past woman comes out of the woodwork to make me aware of my soon to be ex’s endeavors. The old me would have been devastated and torn. Now that I am in a different place and see everything clearly, I am nowhere near shocked. Same story (different women) of him professing his undying love, how I was the crazy wicked wife of the south, he can’t see his child, and the whole world is against him. (Don’t’ these women get it? They don’t see the red flags of too good to be true?) When I asked him why he constantly cheated, he claims that I didn’t pay enough attention to him; I was so occupied with running my business and getting my blog going. Of course I was busy making my businesses work out, how else was I suppose to have the freedom I did to be able to spend more time with him and be a stepmom. We also carpooled for 9 months. The only time we weren’t together was when one of us went to the bathroom, work, one went to sleep before the other, or he was on a date. So yeah, poor HIM…I was NEVER around to pay attention.
What I had a hard time accepting was me getting the blame instead of him admitting his faults. You see, to him, the cheating doesn’t exist. It’s ignored. It never happened. Meanwhile I get the dirty finger pointed at me for working too much. I now know why I get the blame for my marriage ending; I stopped putting up with the cheating, lies and decided to get out, so that makes it MY fault. My ex love must feel like the home, family, and goodness that I brought to the table was taken away from him. What he doesn’t see, is that he took it away from himself. All this time I thought that the cheating he had been doing…that he’s still doing…was on me. He didn’t cheat on me…he cheated on himself. The addiction of needing an ego boost, constant new booty to entertain him, and the online fantasy world is what he chose. Not me, not his family. So you see we are all responsible for the choices we make and how they affect us. I chose to go to therapy to improve myself to be a better wife because I did believe at one point the things he said to me about it being my fault. He chose to lie, cheat, and continue on engaging in other relationships with other women. That’s the choice he made.
When your life changes drastically you learn so much about yourself and those in your life. I have learned that all that I gave was thrown in the garbage while garbage was being chased. My circle is full of love, laughter, spirituality, and positivity. That is obviously too much for someone that chooses to live a life of dishonesty, deceit, and adultery. While my heart heals every day, I know that I gave all I could. Life is going on and what’s sad is that the person I gave my all to cheated themselves from a good one.
Thursday thoughts are a series to share my random thoughts with my readers so that they well get to know me a bit more. We all have a different outlook on life, feelings, emotions, and sense of humor. My Thursday thoughts series is just for fun, sharing, and to make you think of things yourself.
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